Maxine

Well, well, well. What fools these mortals be.
Looks like these women could use some help Doc.
They’re still standin’ upright, but they’re seriously draggin’ tail, if you know what I mean.
I just don’t quite understand how they can keep pulling all of that weighty stuff around all the time.

Me,
I took care of all that nonsense years ago.
Thought it might give me that big wrinkle across my forehead. From all that heavy duty thinking.
Too much for me, I’m telling you. Nope. I’d rather put my energy into something productive.
Like shopping.

Crazy, huh? But it works for me.
I’ve got a closet full of clothes like you wouldn’t believe. I could wear a new outfit every day, if I could still get into all of them.
Put on a little weight lately, so some of them just have to hang there takin’ up space. Until I can get that cute little personal trainer to do more than just prance around in those skimpy spandex shorts givin’ me an eyeful.
Not that I mind lookin’, I might add.
But really, I should be sweating up a storm rather than just flirtin’ with all of the other men that walk through.
Don’t think that’s gonna lift my fanny any.
But it does seem to lift my spirits.
So I keep going.

Better than that one girlfriend of mine. All she does is work.
Sticks her nose to the grindstone and never lets up.
Always tryin’ to please somebody, somewhere, someway.
That’s her style.
Lookin’ for praise wherever she can get it.
If you ask me,
she’s hiding some big secrets under those giant heaps of gotta do’s.
But then she didn’t ask me, did she?
So I let her bury herself as deep as she’s gonna go before she wakes up one day and can’t find that artificial little smile she plasters on in the morning.
Too bad for her, though. I prefer the real thing.
Got mine at the Lancome counter.
Think I’ve seen you there, too,
haven’t I?

Hey, sorry, gotta run.
Wish I could stay and help you heal all of these other women, but
Dancing with the Stars starts in about an hour and I’d hate to miss it.
Have you seen the beauties they’ve had on there lately? Bodies to die for and no wrinkles either.
Reality TV.
There’s nothing like it.

Oh, and by the way. You don’t know anybody who needs a robe do you?
I picked this one up a while back,
but there’s this stain on it that I just can’t seem to get out.
Doesn’t show much to the naked eye. Seems to have gone much deeper than that.
Makes me feel uncomfortable though.
Do you think any of these other women would notice?

copyright US Library of Congress Jilly Bean, PhD