Mattie's Depression

Depression.
I hate to even say the word. It’s so ugly, dark, airless.
I can talk about it now – I’m in remission. Sounds like cancer, doesn’t it?
Well, now that’s a fairly good comparison. Only you don’t die from it – at least that’s what they tell me.

You would think that I’d be used to it – the depression, I mean. But I can hardly believe that anyone could ever become accustomed to the hooded creeps who come to latch you to your bed and leave you. Helpless, hopeless, and feeling worthless.
I’ve been seduced by those ghastly goblins for years.

But I’m better now and I’m going to beat it this time. I’m going to know that it’s coming.
I’m going to stoke a little fire and send up smoke signals so that you can see when I’m going under. “Rescue me”, the puffs will plead. Such nonsense when you’re low – belly flat to the bed, pillows pulled tightly around your head.
But that’s what I was told to do by one of my counselors.

Oxymorons in my book. The counselors. Tell you what to do instead of listening.

Last week, I met this really nice woman at the library. She was browsing in the self-help section at the same time I was. Imagine that. Me in the self-help section.
This woman looked me right in the eyes and asked if she could help.
I think what she originally meant was could she help me find a specific book or something. But I wasn’t thinking clearly – so I said, “sure” and proceeded to give her an abbreviated version of what I just went on and on about a minute ago.
And believe it or not, this stranger looked straight at me and listened to everything that I said.
No interruptions, no you poor thing – just an occasional umm – as if she was really pondering what I was saying. Amazing isn’t it. She just appeared out of nowhere.
Changed my life though. Made me start thinking that somebody else out there might really care
about me, too.

So I started putting on a little lipstick and sprucing up my hair a bit. I started getting out a bit
more. Like this new Bible study group that I’ve been going to.
Met this guy there. He’s really into giving me great tips on living from these passages of Job. Says I can learn a lot from reading the Bible.
Says that God is a better listener than anyone here on earth. And I think maybe He is
– next to this guy.

We’re seeing each other now and he tells me not to worry about ever being depressed again.
He says that he just won’t let it happen. Put my worries aside and count on him.
He seems to have all of the answers. And that’s a good thing.
Keeps me out of the self-help section.

Now if he can just help me find the right job, I’d really be on top of the world.
As far as I’m concerned, that old curtain of depression has fallen for the very last time.

copyright 2006 US Library of Congress