What are the ways that we understand our feelings . . and the actions we either want to take or have taken (and question)? Do we act out of an emotional place . . because that is what we are used to doing? Or do we really take the time to STOP and ask ourselves why we're feeling the way we do?
Yesterday I "played" golf with my husband . . .and by the 10th hole, I was tired . . muffing the ball and mis-hitting even my putts (which are the only thing that I'm ususally good at). I wanted to cry. But there were also so many reasons I refused to cry. 1) I was embarassed (wanted to cry); 2) I wanted to be as tough as any guy out there playing (refusing to let the tears come); 3) I have little experience at playing physical games (wanted to whine); 4) Even old women can play golf (refusal to give in); 5) I can't find my ball when I'm tired because I'm losing my vision (boo-hoo); 6) I'm as tough as nails (suck it up).
For me, the question isn't so much why I want to cry or refuse to give in . . .the question I was pondering is what does learning to play golf with my husband mean for me?
And for each of us . . finding the meaning of our experiences is different.
In my research, Understanding the Ways that Women Think and Feel in the Lived Experience . . .I looked back at some of the philosophies that support the notion that meaning differs for each of us and that our understanding is a blend between the actual experience and our perceptions of what happened (including how we think other people see or feel about us in that same moment).
Merleau-Ponty (1963) believes that our actions are sometimes clear and sometimes unknown . . and Moss (1989) feels that thoughts and actions cannot be separated (in the moment) and are only understood together in reflection.
What event or emotion keeps running through your mind? Can you separate them in reflection? Does putting them down on paper or sharing them here help to discover meaning so that you can really choose your next action?
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