Exploring the Ordinary through Fiction

It is often said that art imitates life – or, is the saying that life imitates art? Over the past several years as I have practiced my craft, I have begun to understand that art and life influence and mirror each other. Although the ideas gathered from real life experiences may initially be composed on a handwritten page, a shape-shifting of perceptions occurs when variations of words and phrasing alter the world that is known to reflect possibilities for personal transformation.

As an artist, my chosen medium is voice – the storyteller’s voice. Fiction holds us long into the night, expressing words for the silent, the fearful, and the dreamer. Fictional characters are allowed to voice hopes and aspirations and opinions - to explore relationships and contemplate gaping holes of desire.

With descriptive voice, I can bring the reader into a fictional world to hear, see, taste, smell and feel middle-American life as it is lived by others, although in reality, the characters’ lives are merely reflections of our human need to be loved and to belong.

It is my hope that readers through some of my stories, will find themselves curious about who they are, what they want and need in their lives, and what price they will pay to succeed. It is my hope that this work of fiction will inspire reflection on the nature of our relationships with others. If you are curious and would like to read some of my work . . just ask . . and experience the places where fiction and real life come together . .

Moving Away from Old Memories

Today, like most days, I find myself thinking about a piece of my past . . and usually it's not the one I want plastered across the nearest (or furthest) billboard. And I can't help but wondering why my mind chooses to save that memory over the ones of joy and excitement? In an attempt to understand, I put my intellect to work and I remembered how in a recent class, we were discussing the biopsychological connections of the brain . . .and how memories are stored.

The truth is that our memories are stored in an event/emotion complex . . in other words, when we have strong emotions tied to what is happening in our lives, those memories seem to get priority in the storage area of our brain (the occipital area). And when something occurs in the present, our mind (trying to make sense out of what we are thinking) rifles through old backlogs looking for some connection and voila .. the events that the mind wanders through first are those with the highest emotional valence.

Since our thinking takes place in the frontal association area (the frontal lobe) and our memories are stored in the back of the brain (the occipital lobe) . . now we're talking about the pathway from memory to processing . . and yes, you're right . . our emotional center (the amygdala) lies right in the midsection so that thoughts passing back and forth between memory and current reflection pass through emotion . . back and forth . . .back and forth.

So, it's really important for us to detach ourselves early from the highly charged emotions of certain events before we store them into memory. And yet, this is often difficult. We seem to feel some need to hang on to those words and actions that made us feel angry or sad . .rather than replaying to good words and actions over and over in our minds.

How many times have I cried or berated or sabotaged myself for something that happened years ago . . .rather than smiled and high-fived the joyful?

So, today . . as I reflect on that old memory that popped into my mirror this morning .. I'm trying to see it as an opportunity of choice . . an opportunity to remove the emotion from it . . .to lessen the charge. In it's place, I'm choosing to ripple back through some positive moments (a wildly positive ovation from a large group after a presentation . . .a compliment from a woman at the grocery store . . a fabulous meal . . .coffee with my kids).

It's amazing how the influence of old memories can affect our attitudes. Are you willing to risk letting an old negative memory go in favor of charging your storage area with a newly positive one? Go ahead . . try it :) Cheers!

Listening . . .Learning to Hear Our Own Voice

Together we have the ability to creatively take charge of our lives through self-awareness and dynamic expression. You see, there is someone who really cares what happens. It’s all about listening ~ that’s where the healing begins. The answers are right there in front of us. We hear them from each other. It’s an interactive process that empowers us. It gives us the opportunity to make different choices in our lives.

Out of personal and social conditioning, women often silence their true feelings and desires in order to maintain relationships with their mothers, with men, and with each other. Although issues of intimate personal violence, emotional abuse, and loneliness, and alcoholism may lead us to question who we are and where we are going, we have the ability to re-define our sense of self and grow. The choice is up to you. But without each other, the consequences of silence are deadly.

I’ve written a play called Ordinary Women Dying to Be Heard. It’s all about listening ~ to ourselves and to each other. Sixteen women share their personal stories about what it is like to be lonely or afraid, to be angry or depressed. But the best part is that there is hope. . . because the therapist hears their words . . .

Go ahead . . share your thoughts or story . . .I'm still here . . and I'm still listening . . .

Finding Meaning

What are the ways that we understand our feelings . . and the actions we either want to take or have taken (and question)? Do we act out of an emotional place . . because that is what we are used to doing? Or do we really take the time to STOP and ask ourselves why we're feeling the way we do?

Yesterday I "played" golf with my husband . . .and by the 10th hole, I was tired . . muffing the ball and mis-hitting even my putts (which are the only thing that I'm ususally good at). I wanted to cry. But there were also so many reasons I refused to cry. 1) I was embarassed (wanted to cry); 2) I wanted to be as tough as any guy out there playing (refusing to let the tears come); 3) I have little experience at playing physical games (wanted to whine); 4) Even old women can play golf (refusal to give in); 5) I can't find my ball when I'm tired because I'm losing my vision (boo-hoo); 6) I'm as tough as nails (suck it up).

For me, the question isn't so much why I want to cry or refuse to give in . . .the question I was pondering is what does learning to play golf with my husband mean for me?

And for each of us . . finding the meaning of our experiences is different.

In my research, Understanding the Ways that Women Think and Feel in the Lived Experience . . .I looked back at some of the philosophies that support the notion that meaning differs for each of us and that our understanding is a blend between the actual experience and our perceptions of what happened (including how we think other people see or feel about us in that same moment).

Merleau-Ponty (1963) believes that our actions are sometimes clear and sometimes unknown . . and Moss (1989) feels that thoughts and actions cannot be separated (in the moment) and are only understood together in reflection.

What event or emotion keeps running through your mind? Can you separate them in reflection? Does putting them down on paper or sharing them here help to discover meaning so that you can really choose your next action?